Tuesday

Today she wasn't as cranky as yesterday. After she was up at 8, I didn't rush her. I took her to Ghanshyam Supermarket to buy bread. She looked at chocolates' rack but didn't want any. But when she saw a packet of Kellogg's Chocos a woman was carrying to the counter, she wanted it. She asked me to open it, and also ate some. After returning home, we had very little time to get her ready and put together her snack box. She didn't resist at all. I took her on the bike. As soon as we reached her school gate she saw the Ayamma and said :"Amma". She asked for her bag and ran to the gate. Again, she didn't look back.

It was when Akhil and I went to bring her back at 1pm that I saw her sobbing as she stood in line along with other kids. Her teacher saw

us and told her. In the meantime, luckily, the bell rang. She came running, still sobbing. She was sobbing very softly. It was only after we reached home that there was anything called a 'smile' on her face.

Sad and Silent

Last week, Puttu's school timings had progressively increased to 2-3 hours a day. Since i was going to be away in Indore, we decided that she could skip this week and go from the next week. But, Vasudha sprang a surprise on all of us. She took it upon herself and managed to send Puttu three days to school - Wednesday to Friday. It was not easy for her. The anxiety and tension of dropping her and keeping her inside the school for 3 hours. To everybody's relief, the week-end came, and all of us, particularly Puttu, forgot all about the school. It became a source of anxiety for each one of us, for our own reasons.

Anyway, the Monday finally arrived. Puttu woke up around 8 and remained gloomy, moody and irritable till she went to school What is really interesting about her is that she remains sad and silent all through. You can see, there is a storm behind those eyes. Occasionally, she remembers the school and makes a brief protest, but soon forgets. Today, when we reached the school, she looked at the gate and burst out crying: Vaddu nanna, vaddu nanna. I took her to the gate and she held my hand till she entered the gate and left it. She didn't look back. As the Ayamma took her to the assembly where everybody was screaming "matru devobhava, pitru devo bhava...acharya devo......"

Amidst this din and confusion, Puttu was holding on to her pink bag as it her life depended on it. We stood behind the wall- me and Alex- and looked on at the proceedings in the assembly. It is a pain I cannot explain. She didn't look back even once.

Back to school, after 3 days

Keertana's wedding and recovery resulted in 3 days' dumma for Puttu. This morning, I was a bit worried. Have we lost the momentum that had picked up? And Puttu was slowly getting used to spending an hour in the school. Are we in for a repeat trauma?

Actually, apart from very meek and minor protests, she didn't resist going to school today. She went inside, again, without looking back. After an hour or so I came back and waited outside in the car. As soon as I saw some parents coming out with kids, I went in. In fact nobody was crying today. I went to Mrs. Seshagiri's office and chatted with her for a while. Then, I saw Puttu coming out with her bag. It was all such a smooth affair that I was inspired to take some pictures. Here are some pictures. In the picture below you can see the principal's office through the park in the front.

She is the Ayamma who is very stern when she is receiving the kids from the parents in the morning, but very tender and motherly when the kids cry. Today, she said: 'None of them cried today'.

I realised how we underestimate children's capacity to adapt. After coming home, all that she wanted was to cling to me for about half an hour. From next week she is going to be there from 9am to 1pm. That seems quite a jump. Let's see. She needs a uniform now. Every friday is sports day, and she has to wear all white.

In this picture you can see the notice board (behind ayamma) where instructions for parents are written.

first dumma

Now, the first dumma also happened. Last night, Baby and I had to go to Gachibowli for the last nalugu of Keertana. Since it was fag end of the day, both of us were tired and had no energy to manage puttu along the way and in gachibowli. So, we left her with Laxmi and Alex. As soon as we reached Deepu's house, we received mixed reports about the welfare of puttu.
"She puked, but she is ok"
"She puked and she is not ok".
"She puked but it is ok, you finish your job and come"
"She is ok, but she is dull".

and so on. Anyway, we rounded up our business by about 11pm and reached home past midnight. Puttu was fast asleep in Laxmi's place. We proceeded to PAI without waking her up. It seems she woke up at 5am and said: "Amma PAI". She came upstairs and slept till 9. So, that was the story behind her first dumma.

Tomorrow also is going to be another dumma. Keats' wedding.

puttu's first week in school is over

Puttu was admitted into Children's Garden School, last Monday, June 7th, 2010. It had been quite traumatic for both Puttu and all of us. Probably for the first time she had to leave her comfort zone and be amidst strangers for an hour a day. Each day as she entered the school gate she would have a very sad face. She won't cry. She won't even look back when she is being taken away by the teacher. She would just hold on to her bag, as if that was her only sense of security. It was very painful to see that sad face. I would rather that she cried. Handing her over to the school hands was so painful

It was when we went back to bring her that she burst out crying. This was also painful, bu

t then the relief was that she was back in my arms, and we were now going to 13 - the comfort zone for all of us.

Though crying would stop as soon as she got into the car and saw her Bingo chips or Dairy Milk chocolate, there was that undercurrent of sadness in her for an hour or two after returning home. The first two days, she actually slept off after returning home. So did I.

Since last night I was conscious of the fast approaching and inevitable Monday morning 8.50 am. The memory of last week's pain. It was as if somebody squeezed your heart for a second. Despite my reservations and anxiety, the Monday morning nevertheless came. As I was getting her ready, at one point, she briefly remembered the school image and said: "vaddu nanna". But, she quickly, diverted her attention by looking at the crocodile on my T-shirt.

Two things about Puttu surprised my today, the first day of the second week. Vasudha, me and Puttu left for school around 8.50. Puttu was sitting on Vasudha's lap. No talking. Her face was grim and sad. It looked as if she had accepted that going to school was a necessary evil. First thing that surprised me was when Vasudha said to her that she was going to school just for an hour and after that we would bring her back... OK? she said: OK.

After this terrible and unending one hour, Alex and I went back to school and went inside. When the Nursery class door opens, it is as if the doors of a torture chamber are burst open. Imagine a group of ten kids wailing simultaneously. Each one at a different pitch. I saw Puttu walking out with her bag. Very stable she was. She was not crying. I seemed to be more unstable. I went ahead of Alex and took puttu's hand. Very hesitantly, she walked with me till the gate. (They don't allow us to carry kids inside the gate). As we were coming out of the gate, Puttu saw all her classmates sitting on a mat in front of their teacher, and wanted to go back. She dragged me back to where the group was sitting. Some kids were still crying: "Mummy!!!", "Amma!!!@#$% ahhh! "Nanna".

The teacher was helping some kids to open their tiffin boxes. Puttu also wanted to sit there. I was really, but pleasantly, shocked. But we didn't have a tiffin. And I thought it would be too dangerous to take

out the only Dairy Milk in front of those 15

kids. You never know, they could even pounce on me. Asale manchi mood lo leru. I told Puttu, "we don't have a tiffin. come, let's go home."

She said ok, and we all came out.

She saw the car outside and said: "Amma, eh?"